Pierre Poutine. They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

They seek him here, they seek him there

Those Frenchies seek him everywhere

Is he in heaven or is he in hell?

That damned elusive phone scoun-drel.

He meddles in elections

What cheek, pray tell

If you should see him, give a yell!

By now the entire Parliamentary Press Gallery have donned their night-vision goggles, reknit their nooses and fired up their torches prior to scouring the hills for Pierre Poutine, the most wanted man in Canada today.

The people who snickered when domestic terrorists calling themselves Anonymous threatened the life and family of Public Safety Minister Vic Toew have unanimously decided that a man who made some phone calls nine months ago is Public Enemy No. 1.

Why? Because his capture might, finally, lead to the destruction of the Conservative Party and the return of the Liberals to power and all will be well with the world again.

The Ottawa press mob has united to pitch the Liberal Party narrative that they only lost the 2011 election because the Conservatives launched a secret nationwide campaign to “suppress” the Liberal vote by phoning people and telling them to go to the wrong place to vote.

Yeah, that must be why 2.2 million fewer people voted Liberal last May than did in 2004.

The “professional” journalists are churning out stories filled with examples of “voter suppression” from, uh, “sources”, “unnamed sources”, and “sources that don’t want to be identified”, or, in other words, the press gallery’s usual Liberal Party contacts.

The howling mob got a second wind this week when it was learned that phone calls in Guelph giving voters false information on where to cast their ballots were made from a throwaway prepaid cellphone that had been registered to ( the obviously phony) “Pierre Poutine” of Separatist Street, in Joliette, Quebec.

Well, guess what? We did what none of the “professional” reporters did. We went looking for Pierre Poutine in (did you guess?) Joliette, Quebec.

And, wouldn’t you know it, we found that the federal riding of Joliette, Quebec, was held by, of all people, a man named Pierre.

Not Pierre Poutine, but Pierre Paquette. And Pierre Paquette was, until his defeat last May, the house leader for the Bloc Quebecois.

Meet Pierre, of Separatist Street, Joliette, Quebec.

The name of the mystery robocaller was not plucked out of a hat. It was specifically tailored to play on the separatist Member of Parliament from Joliette.

But why?

We’re betting it has everything to do with Paquette’s attack barely three months before the federal election on the Conservative Party’s ties to evangelical Christians. Here’s what Paquette said on the Parliamentary record:

In the House of Commons on February 10th, 2011.

Conservative Party of Canada
Oral Questions

February 10th, 2011 / 2:50 p.m.

Bloc
Pierre Paquette Joliette, QC

Mr. Speaker, a report from the show Enquête uncovered the close ties between the Conservative Party and fundamentalist ministers, some of whom—as we saw in the program—are verging on hysteria. We learned that a number of evangelical leaders have privileged access to Conservative members and senators, and use that access to influence federal politics.
Is it not worrisome to see all these fundamentalist groups circling around the Conservative government, trying to change legislation to impose their religious values?

Enquete is a CBC-French current affairs program.

So somebody using a throwaway cellphone made calls to Liberal voters in Guelph. That person bought the phone under a satirical pseudonym playing on the identity of a real-life Separatist MP. The likelihood is that the naming “honour” was meant to be a private dig at the MP’s attack on Christians.

There’s a blogger in Guelph who goes by the name Christian Conservative. His profession: I.T. You can bet he’ll be getting a call from the RCMP.

In the meantime....

They seek him here, they seek him there

Those Frenchies seek him everywhere

Is he in heaven or is he in hell?

That damned elusive phone scoun-drel